Thursday, 24 March 2011
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How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire ---Love at Stake, Book
Plot Summary: Dr. Shanna Whelan is a dentist on the lam, living under the Secret Witness program after she witnessed a murder. On a shift at the all-night dental clinic, a handsome man comes in with a huge canine he needs reinserted. Roman is a vampire, and before Shanna can fix his tooth, a group of assassins shows up. Roman saves Shanna, and takes her back to his five-story town house, complete with a harem of vampire chicks, and a barrack of Highland vampire guards. Cozy. Roman falls for Shanna like a stone in a pool, while she vacillates like a windmill in a tornado.
Reading this book was like going to a comedy club, and quickly realizing that I'd need to get completely blitzed to make the comedian even remotely funny. It was uncomfortable watching the jokes do belly-flops during the supposed-to-be funny bits. I like my humor either dark, dry or raunchy, and all the artificial sweeteners here were burning a hole in my gut.
I categorize this type of story as `vampire-lite,' and it's very much in the same vein as the Argeneau Vampire series by Sands (pun unintended). I wish I could say it pulls off the same effortless charm, but it doesn't work here because this story never celebrates vampires. If the goal is to write a sanitized vampire story, and have them drink synthetic blood out of bottles, so be it, but don't castrate them completely.
The heroine grated on my nerves. Shanna is one of those yes-no-yes-no characters, who spins like an emotional top in each and every scene, and as a result she comes across as a wimpy drama queen. Roman Draganesti was no better, and his self-loathing was tiresome. I don't want to read about a 500 year-old vampire who apologizes for who he is, or what he does. When Roman bites Shanna in a moment of passion, you'd think that the world had ended based on their reactions. Hello? Vampires are supposed to bite people, and treating it like a bad behavior was weird. Roman uses science to undo everything that's cool about vampires, and I kept wishing the bad guys would win.
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